Written for SA2Eire by a Member
It is clear that so many of you on this page are asking this question. We are all hoping for answers from others who have moved across the ocean. Was it worth it? What was the most difficult part? What will I miss the most?
If you ask this question of the group, you are unlikely to get the help you are looking for. Simply because the people who respond will be:
- People who happen to be online and reading that post at that time. Not exactly a definitive research sample.
- People who will, understandably, give their own very personal perspectives. Which might differ completely from your own.
Why other people’s answers can only take you so far
I have also desperately sought answers to questions like “Should I take my entire household, including my pets, and the kitchen sink, and all the things that provide me comfort?” and “Where in Ireland should I settle?”
The answers to these are as varied as the people on this earth. Every person has their own character, their own needs, their own things that make them tick or that they cannot abide. Not to mention the vastly different circumstances we are all in.
We are all so different. We cannot expect to get the answers from others.
What we do have in common
One thing almost all of us share is this: emigration is what we do when we are seeking a better future for ourselves and our children. We do not emigrate because we expect life to be more comfortable on the other side. We emigrate because we hope, and pray, it will be worth it in the end.
So what do we have to consider, to help us take this leap?
I thought I would share the questions I have had to ask myself before finalising this life-changing decision.
My starting point
I am moving alone. My children are adults now and making their own decisions. In some ways the decision is easier for me, because I only have to decide what is best for myself.
If you are moving with a family, it is vital that each of you goes through this process independently. There is nothing worse than one person in a family unit being miserable while the others are starting to settle.
My life in Cape Town is lovely. It is going to be really difficult to leave. I have always believed you should never make life moves out of fear, or running away from something. You should move towards something you believe will be better, if you are prepared to work at it.
The thought that unlocked everything
When I started thinking about living in Ireland, the first thing I dwelled on was this:
“My home, my family, my hometown and my career do not define me.”
I am defined by my character and my values. So I set about listing them.
I had three lists.
List 1: What I cannot live without
This list defines your values.
Of course it is entirely personal. Most people will say “family” first. I had to refine that. Some family members will not be around forever. Children move on to live their own lives. So I had to think about what other close companions could substitute for family. And what I would have to do in my future to ensure those close connections remained.
For me as an artist, creative expression and nature were high up on my list. So was independence.
I was interested to find that many of the things I place high value on actually helped decide what sort of place to look for. Ireland, as a country, ticked all my boxes. But most of us do not have the luxury of choosing our ideal country when we emigrate. Still, knowing what you want to live with helps you choose the town and the lifestyle within your destination country.
List 2: What I cannot live with
Like the others, this list really must be made independently by each family member, then compared.
We all have low tolerance levels for various things. This list defines the things that would genuinely make life unbearable if you had to endure them.
For me it was things like cramped living conditions, lack of privacy, and knowing I had abandoned family members who needed me. That last one was a difficult one.
List 3: What I can live without, if I have to
This is the honest one.
I realised that if I wanted to live in Ireland, sunny weather had to feature on this list before I could go any further.
Many items on this list also helped me stay open-minded about where in the world I might want to be. Including the possibility of staying in South Africa. This list speaks to your very personal values. For instance, I have “socialising and meeting up with friends regularly” on this list. It does not mean I will not miss my friends terribly. It means it was less important to me than the things on List 1.
The blueprint
Having made these three lists, I now have a blueprint that will help me make important decisions. Where to live. What kind of house to choose. What sort of work to take on. What kind of community to settle into.
It is also so important to have this documentation to go back to, when you start to question your decisions.
Maybe three months into an Irish winter I will be crying “What was I thinking?!” When I look back on what is truly important to me, I hope this list will remind me that I moved for the right reasons.
See you soon
