Written for SA2Eire by a Member
It has been lovely reading everyone’s blogs on SA2Eire. And it’s great to know we are not alone in finding the whole experience really challenging.
It has certainly not been smooth sailing in our household. Packing up and saying goodbye to all we knew and loved was so hard. I was very angry that we had been forced into a position where we had to sell our home and everything else, and move away in the hope my husband would have easier access to travel for his work.
But since we had to make a move, I could think of no better place than Ireland. We had visited twice before and fell in love with it.
The reality vs the fantasy
The idea of moving and starting fresh was exciting. The reality does not quite measure up.
It takes a lot of hard work, grit and determination to make things work. The process can be incredibly frustrating, especially when restrictions limit the things you can actually get done.
After a hair-raising flight thanks to our 2 year old, we completed our quarantine in a very picturesque setting and tried to gather ourselves towards ourselves. The view and scenery definitely helped to settle our shattered nerves. We have sorted out most things now and are starting to settle in a bit more. We have been in Ireland for close on three months.
Hitting empty
Recently, my husband and I got to a point where we were completely empty.
Between trying to fulfil the requirements for the EU Treaty application while managing two small children, dealing with the trauma of all the goodbyes we had to say when leaving South Africa, and feeling pretty isolated here, it took a toll mentally, physically and emotionally.
Our daughter had just started school and then had to adapt to schoolwork at home with a less than patient mom-teacher. My husband could not yet get a Public Service Card, which meant we could not do a number of things. It felt like there was a roadblock every time we tried to get anything done. Frustrations were running high.
Our kids were not sleeping. Sleep? Forget it. Thankfully things have settled down a bit now. Emotions were all over the show, with anger and tears an everyday event. The kids had epic meltdowns, and so did we. At one point I felt like I did not recognise myself or my family members anymore.
Something had to change.
The lightbulb moment
I realised we were all disconnected. From ourselves, from each other, from our loved ones back home, from the stuff that makes us happy and feel secure.
And so, to try to get through each day without the meltdowns, moods and melodramatics, we had to find connection.
After discussing an action plan together, we developed a little survival guide to help keep ourselves sane and strong in these trying times. I thought I would share some of the things we included, as maybe someone else could take something useful from it and adapt it to their own life circumstances. These small steps have really helped us fill our cups so we can better tackle the daily challenges.
Connection to self
We each take one hour of “me time” a day. I journal or do yoga (even though sometimes the kids act like I am a human jungle gym). My husband goes for a jog or a walk.
Connection to each other
We try to do one family activity a day. Bought the game Twister, movies with popcorn, walk or explore somewhere when the weather allows.
We have also finally gotten into a routine that allows my husband and I to spend some quality time together in the evenings when the kids are asleep. Some nights we just crash in front of the TV. But we try to have at least one night a week where we sit and chat and discuss all manner of things.
We do daily check-ins on how each other is feeling. I feel it is so important to check in with yourself and communicate with your partner to get the backup and support you need.
Connection to others
We have scheduled regular WhatsApp video calls with friends, and regular family call time with the grandparents. They are pretty much standing weekly arrangements now.
Other things we committed to
Get out of the house every day. At least once a day, even if it is just to the parking lot in front of our house where the kids can ride their bikes or scoot. Sometimes we just go for a drive to take in the beautiful scenery and the area in which we live.
A daily routine to make sure everyone’s basic needs are met. No one can cope with anything if they are hangry or tired. This also helps our kids know what is coming next, and that predictability helps them feel more secure. We are considering making a chart for them so they can mark off what has been done and see what comes next.
Where we are now
This is an incredibly difficult transition to navigate. We try to look out for each other as best we can. Some days are easier than others. I am sure there are still some super hard days that lie ahead. But now that we have an action plan, and are more connected to these important areas of our life, I feel we are more in tune with each other and help each other more, especially on days when one of us is struggling.
Even with all the challenges, we are both very happy with our decision to move to Ireland, and we look forward to carving out a life for ourselves in this beautiful country.
I would love to hear what others have put in place to help them survive the turmoil of moving countries.
Also read: Load Shedding: The Ultimate Prep for Life in Ireland
