“Expecting life to always turn out the way you want is guaranteed to lead to disappointment because life will not always turn out the way you want it to. And when those unfulfilled expectations involve the failure of other people to behave the way you expect them to, the disappointment also involves resentment.” – The Psychology of Expectations
Drop your expectations at the departure gate
If your expectations are too high, too wide, that this island will be another South Africa or a better one, or if you expect that Ireland is perfect… you will be disappointed.
It is a beautiful life if you let Ireland in.
Drop expectation at the airport when you leave South Africa. Carry your family and your bags. And be open to a new experience.
People are people, everywhere
Humans are human. We are inherently good and bad. Do not expect Irish people to be the same as South Africans, or different. You will experience both. Ireland is also not just Irish people. You will encounter far more cultures and nationalities than you might expect. Embrace that. Learn from the people you meet. And when you encounter someone you do not like, ask yourself what the mirror is showing you. What are you learning about yourself? Leave any prejudice behind. It weighs too much to carry.
The routine of life does not change
Ireland is different to South Africa in every way, and yet the same routine of life still exists. We wake, we eat, we go to school and work, we come home, we eat, we sleep. In there is also some boring times, some bills, some taxes, and some life poop.
Do not blame Ireland for the life poop. It is life poop. Making the choice to emigrate does not mean life poop stops. Be prepared for those moments.
She is not Africa, and that is okay
Ireland is beautiful in her own majestic way. She is not the same as South Africa. The weather is different, the houses are different, the landscape is different, the roads are different. Accept it, adjust to it, or you will drive yourself absolutely nuts moaning about how it is not Africa.
P.S. It is not a tropical climate.
The hard stuff still finds you
Teenagers will still be teenagers and make all the wrong choices before they find the right ones. Some people in your life will leave. Parents still die. People still get cancer. Children are still born with disabilities. Marriages still fail.
Whatever holds you when the pain hits, bring that with you. Be that God, be that faith, be that self-worth, be that awareness. Whatever that thing is that holds your beliefs when the going gets tough, bring it. You will still need it.
And your family will be far away when you emigrate. Very. Far. Away. Accept that as part of the choice you are making.
Be clear on your why
Why are you moving?
Not the surface answer. Not “for a better life” or “for safety” or “for the children.”
Go deeper than that.
Because Ireland will test you. The cold will test you. The bureaucracy will test you. The loneliness of a Sunday afternoon when everyone you love is 10,000 kilometres away will test you. The housing hunt will test you. The moments when nothing is going the way you planned, when the job is harder than expected, when the kids are struggling, when you miss your mother so much it physically hurts, those moments will absolutely test you.
And in those moments, your WHY is the only thing that will hold you.
Write it down before you leave. Put it somewhere you can find it on the hard days. Because on the hard days you will forget. You will romanticise the life you left and forget the reason you packed those bags in the first place.
Whatever your why is, own it completely. Do not apologise for it and do not let anyone minimise it.
And if you choose to go back, or choose not to come at all, that is okay too. It is your life.
You will have happy days.
You will have sad days.
Both are part of the life you chose.
Money, pace and patience
Setting yourself up in Ireland is expensive. Have money. Be willing to spend it. Riches do not come easily anywhere on this planet. Work hard, be careful where you spend and who you give your money to, and be conscious that people will happily take it.
Things are not fast in Ireland. Do not expect first-world speed. Ireland beats her own drum and she will pace you. You can moan all you like. It is her beat. Beat with her or be out of step. That is your choice.
You have no control over what is happening behind an office door, on the other side of an email, or inside an online form. You do however have complete control over your attitude towards it. Chill, or you will make yourself ill.
When you hit a no
If you encounter a no, question why. If it is something within your power to change, change it. If it is not, go and read the Serenity Prayer followed by the Desiderata. Stop. Look. Adjust. Move with the no’s.
Ireland owes you nothing
It does not matter what passport you hold, why you are here, or how you came to be here. In South Africa you had to earn your stripes. Same here. Entitlement is a festering wound that will leave your soul empty. Working and achieving something with your own hands and your own mind leaves you full of experience and joy.
This could be your best life experience.
It could be your worst.
It is what you make of it that matters.
Read. Read. Read. Write notes. Read some more. Be armed with knowledge.
“Realise that the one thing you have absolute control over is your attitude.” – Time, performed by Sir Laurence Olivier
