When my husband and I started dating, very soon into our relationship (I actually think we were about 2 or 3 weeks in), he asked me where do I see the relationship going. I think we were chatting on MIRC or whatever the way was to chat back then. He was at work and I was sitting in the lounge at home. My answer was simple: "One day you and I will be having a discussion on whether we are having a 3rd child or not. He nearly fell off his chair, but 2018 was the year that proved me right.
Here we were, getting pretty settled in Ireland and we were talking about it.
It's not that we never thought of having a third child, but simply put, our work schedules in SA had kept us away from home for 12 hours a day and it became very clear to us that back in SA, having a third was just not practical and would not have been fair on the baby at all. My time with our older 2 was already so limited, with us only picking them up at 6pm and needing to get them to bed early enough so we could leave home again at 6am, it would not have been fair on any of the children to add another child into the very short amount of time we got to spend with them.
Things changed for us when we came over though. Shortly after arriving, my husband suggested that we change from our initial plan where we would both work, to me looking after the children as a stay at home mum rather. the cost of childcare vs what amount I would actually be left with when taking away the tax credits and actual cost of the childcare, for us, just didnt make financial sense. I would honestly rather lose the couple of euros and be a full time mom.
So, here we were. the reasons no longer being there to NOT have a third and we decided, why not?
We literally fell pregnant immediately and then our real journey began. I was 38 and had a healthy (cough! cough!) BMI of 36. Both our older children were born via Csection at a private hospital in Kempton Park. So a Csection was going to be our way forward. I was not to phased about that though, and in a strange sense, knowing that bit at least made it easier.
I have to admit, during my entire pregnancy here, my biggest stress factor was that I wasn't sure of what would happen next. Not having even been to visit someone at the hospital where we would go was also just another bit of not knowing anything.
Our GP has a midwife working at his practice, and Maura was absolutely amazing through out. Here you alternate between the GP practice and the hospital and at Mayo University Hospital, you receive your file after your initial appointment that you take with you to each appointment so the person at the next appointment can see what is happening.
So here are (more or less, because my mind is simply not what it used to be) is the process as it happened in our instance.
1. Went to the GP. She didn't do a pregnancy test to confirm the pregnancy. According to her the home tests are pretty accurate nowadays and there is no need as a positive is pretty positive. She took all my details to fill in the application for the Maternity care scheme and they sent it off.I was 5 weeks pregnant at the time.
2. I received 2 letters in the post. The 1st one to confirm that I had been approved for the Maternity scheme and the 2nd from the hospital to give me a date and time for my 1st appointment and Sonar. The appointment was for when I was 14 weeks.
3. I waited for what felt like FOREVER for the appointment. In South Africa, by 14 weeks I would have seen my gynie about 3 times already and had a scan at each appointment, so this for me was uncharted water.
4. Had our scan!!!! Saw our little man, who we didn't know was a little man yet.We were also very lucky that they were more than happy for our older 2 to be in the room for the scan also and then had a consultation with one of the midwives.
At Mayo University Hospital, in the area where the scans are done, they have a lovely play area for other children and while I believe this is not the case at all hospitals, here they were very accommodating of our other 2 going with me to every appointment throughout.
5. You go see the GP and hospital alternately and at 24 weeks I had my glucose test. I had 3 risk factors (my age, family history of diabetes and my BMI). Now let me tell you this for free. This is not a fun experiment. You have to fast from the previous evening (I had a BMI of 36!!! Fasting was not something I was used to!) and then you go in, get a veeeery sweet shooter after they took your blood, and then wait an hour before they take more blood, and you get another shooter and then wait another hour before they take more blood.
6. Also at 24 weeks, we had our anomaly scan and found out we were having a boy!! Now, our boy didnt want to play with them, and kept twisting himself so they couldnt complete the scan. 3 times!! Usually they only have the 2 scans and this would have been our last, however, we got to see him lots more! We were also veyr blessed to have my mom here from SA at the time, so she was with when we found out he was a he!
7. At 28 weeks they did more blood tests for iron. I was put on Iron tablets to take for the duration of my pregnancy.
My mom was coming over for the birth, and in SA, with both my previous csections, they were done at 38 weeks on the dot. Here, they wouldnt give us a date, because they leave you pregnant until as close to your due date, no and if's or but's about it. Eventually, after pleading for weeks, explaining that my mom needed to book tickets etc, we were given the 5th of February. My due date was the 6th of February. I shat. myself.
I have never been pregnant that far!
AND THEN THE NURSES ANNOUNCED THEY WERE STRIKING. Let's be more specific. The maternity nurses. On the 5th of February. I could not (in the most sarcastic way ever) contain my excitement! This procedure had a natural expiration date after all!
They phoned me the week before and let me know they had moved the date forward to the 4th. I was over the moon, as this meant my mom would be with us after the birth for an extra day!
8. The day before the Csection I had to go in to meet with the aneathatist. He went through everything with me. From how many fillings I had to exactly what would happen the next day. THIS WAS AMAZING!
They gave me 2 Zanex. one to take the night before and one to take the morning before we went to the hospital.
At the hospital the ext morning, we were introduced to the nurse who would be looking after us. She gave me compression stockings to wear, and told my husband he should take out Chris' clothes. She kept checking on us and when it was time to go to the theater, she went with. She ran through everything with us and made sure we were both comfortable.
All the nurses who were going to be in the theater with us came out and introduced themselves to me. They were talking with me the whole time that I was so distracted that I could not really find time to be stressed. They brought my husband in and it was time for action.
Back in SA, with both our other 2, even though they had great AGPAR scores and nothing wrong whatsoever, they were taken away immediately "because they were born via csec and had to wait till their bodies could regulate themselves"
Chris came into this world screaming his heart out, and without washing him, they took that screaming little man and put him on me. That moment changed my life forever....
The moment he touched me, he stopped crying. He knew I was his mom and I was forever changed because he knew it!
My husband then went with the nurse to do the weighing etc while I went off to recovery. They handed him his new born very naked son, and it was his job to put the first clothes Chris would ever wear on him, and hold him and keep him comfortable for that first hour. Something he never got to experience in South Africa either.
I got to the ward, and Chris drank. Daddy was aloud to stay and be there as much and late as he wanted to. As soon as the nurse realized I was keeping Chris in bed with me mostly, she did not come and tell me to move him to t he crib, she came and brought an extra blanket and raised the side rail so he could have a comfortable spot in my arm in the bed.
I had my baby during a nurses strike in Ireland, and I would do it over and over again. It was the most perfect experience of my life!
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Resources for this topic- Medical related - Loads of links to anything medical
How to register a Birth in Ireland
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