Image Copyright: Candice Clayton Viveiro
The possible impact of the big move...
You sit down with your partner/husband and decide to do the unthinkable, the big move. The move that is going to change your life, his life, the life of your kids and your friends and family you leave behind. You make it over to Ireland during Covid-19, you made it through the good days, tears, heartache and the unknown. Within 3 months, you have a job, a bank account, secured rental, utility bills set up, a PPS number, child benefits and even a temp Stamp4eufam if you are an EU family member.
After months though, you realized as a married couple you lost not only yourselves as individuals, but as a couple. A couple that has so much love for one another, but at the same time it just is not working for you as you expected. Before coming to Ireland, we were apart for a few months as my husband travelled for work obligations. During the time he was away our kids went through depression and anxiety. My husband went through depression and anxiety and so did I. It was an exciting time as he was paving the way for us to have a better life, but the impact that it had on all of us was pure heartache.
Just before a hard lockdown in SA my husband came home, well we got an approved rental 2 days before he landed. The rental was 4 stories high. Lockdown came and I was now working from home, doing home-schooling, trying to attend to my baby as well. He was getting his job off the ground, but it failed due to lockdown.
We finally decided we will move to the beautiful Ireland. It is a beautiful country. As a woman, I feel strong, independent, and fearless. To see my kids run and jump in puddles and to be free, is a beautiful thing.
But a few days ago, myself and my husband realized, we lost ourselves completely. We have not been on a date, we are stuck in a set routine, we tried so hard to get the kids comfortable and ensure that they have adjusted, that we did not realise that we are not comfortable, nor have we adjusted.
Things like having some sort of heat outside, is all my husband wants, he wants to be able to see friends, work and go to gym. For myself, I just want to work again. I have been an independent, hard working woman for such a long time, that there are days that I doubt my capabilities, especially after being rejected so many times after interviews. My daughter is unable to fall asleep at night, most nights we go to bed at 12:00.
Your kids might be happy, and you might feel happy, but you need to ask yourself, am I doing the right thing to move over or at least now? Is my relationship strong enough to last overseas, especially where I have no family to lean on? You are coming over with your kids, which is beautiful. However, you can get them bikes, scooters, PS5 etc, but not being able to play with other kids and make friends right now might not be good for them nor for their self-esteem. Being in a house, even a big house with kids 24hours a day, will take its toll on you as a individual and as a couple.
Now myself and my husband are working extremely hard on ourselves and our relationship and we know why we started dating, got married and why we had kids. I am sure that we will be fine and work through all our obstacles together. But it will take time, especially during lock down.
Support one another, as you will need to lean on one another like never, ever before.
Make time for yourself as an Individual by going for a walk, getting gym equipment, or just going to church. Set boundaries with your kids. Make time for one another, remind yourself why you are with your spouse, laugh and dance with him/her, but do not lose control, focus and yourself.
From Anonymous
Important links:
#MapMyMove- Our coaching Services - Confused or lost and need some direction, book a session with us to help untangle the confusion and work out your route of immigration
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