Shall I stay or shall I go?

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It’s clear that so many of you on this page are asking this question. We’re all hoping for answers from others who’ve moved across the ocean – was it worth it? What was the most difficult? What will I miss the most?

If you ask this question of others on the group, you’re unlikely to get the help you’re looking for, simply because the people who respond will be:

  1. a) people who happen to be online and reading that post at that time – not a definitive research sample! or
  2. b) people who will, understandably, give their own very personal perspectives – which might differ completely from your own.

I’ve also desperately sought answers to questions such as “should I take my entire household possessions, including my pets, and the kitchen sink, and all these things that provide me comfort” and “where in Ireland should I settle?”. The answers to these are as varied as the variety of people on this earth, and every person has their own character, needs and things that make them tick, or things they can’t abide. Not to mention the vastly different circumstances we’re all in. We’re all so different – we can’t expect to get the answers from others.

One thing we almost all have in common is that emigration is what we do when we’re seeking a better future for ourselves and our children. We don’t emigrate because we expect life to be more comfortable on the other side, but we hope and pray that it’ll be worth it in the end. So what do we have to consider to help us take this leap?

I thought I’d share the questions I’ve had to ask MYSELF before finalising this life-changing decision.  I’m moving alone, as my children are adults and making their own decisions, so in some ways the decision is easier as I can decide on what’s best for me alone. If you’re in a family, it’s vital, however, that you all go through this process, because there’s nothing worse than one person in the family unit who’s miserable while the others are starting to settle.

My life in Cape Town is lovely, and it’s going to be really difficult to leave in 2021. I’ve always thought that you should never make life moves out of fear, or running away from something, but rather TOWARDS something you believe will be better, if you’re prepared to work at it.

When I started thinking about living in Ireland, the first thing I dwelled on was this “My home, my family, my home town and my career DO NOT DEFINE ME”. I am defined by my character, and my values. So I set about listing these. I had three lists:

  1. What I need in my life in order to be happy – or “What I can’t live without”
  2. What I can’t live with
  3. What I can live without if I have to

List 1 – “What I can’t live without” defined my values. Of course this is entirely personal, but most people will say “family”. I had to refine this – some family members won’t be around forever, and children move on to live their own lives, so I had to think about what other close companions can substitute for family. And what I have to do in my future to ensure these close connections remain. For me as an artist, creative expression and nature were high up on my list. So was independence. I was interested to find that many of the things in my life I place high value on, will help my decisions on what sort of place to look for. As a country, Ireland certainly ticked all my boxes, but I think most of us when deciding to emigrate don’t have the luxury of choosing our ideal country. It does help, though, to know what you want to live with, when choosing a town and a lifestyle within that country.

List 2:  “What I can’t live with”: Like the other 2 lists, people in a family really must make these independently, then compare answers. We all have low tolerance levels for various things, and this list defines the things that really would make life unbearable should we have to endure them. For  me it was things like “cramped living conditions; lack of privacy” and “knowing that I’ve abandoned family members who need me” (a difficult one that).

List 3:  “What can I live without if I have to”: I realised that if I want to live in Ireland, sunny weather had to feature in this before I could go any further. Many of the items on this list helped me to be more open-minded about where in the world I might want to be – including the possibility of staying in South Africa. This list also spoke to my very personal values; for instance, I have “socialising and meeting up with friends regularly” on this list; which doesn’t mean I won’t miss my friends terribly, but that it was less important to me than the other things on List 1.

Having made these lists, I now have a blueprint that will help make important decisions – such as where to live; what kind of house to choose; what type of work to take on; what sort of community I want to live in. It’s also so important to have this documentation to go back to when you start to question your decisions – maybe three months into the Irish winter I’ll be crying “what was I THINKING??!” – and when I look back on what is truly important to me, I hope this will remind me that I moved for the right reasons. And I’m looking forward to meeting many of you in the Emerald Isle early next year when my plans all pull together!

 


 

Important links: 

 

  #MapMyMove- Our coaching Services - Confused or lost and need some direction, book a session with us to help untangle the confusion and work out your route of immigration

   Steps to take in the Immigration process

   Map of this website

   Checklist of things to do before you leave South Africa

   Children in Ireland

   Setting up Home

   Home Affairs documents

   Bringing Non EU family to stay if you have an Irish or non EU passport 

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